Wide Awake At 3:00 a.m.

Wide Awake At 3:00 a.m.

We got back in from Thailand late last night! What a joy it was to see all four of our kids! I missed them so much and can’t wait to take them traveling. I am up at 3:00 a.m. my time here in CA, my body just has not adjusted back to this time.  My time in Thailand was more than I expected in so many ways. I try not to put expectations on things so I won’t get disappointed. I did know it would be an incredible journey and I had hoped and I had hoped it would really help ignite our non-profit idea. 
We saw so many things and did so many incredible things. I am back in the states feeling very humbled and very small. We humans think we are so big and so important. I think it is only natural really. Our brains talk us up. But when you travel at least for me it reminds me how little I truly am. How so small and how so quick my time here on earth truly will be. I am now back and the thing I learned the most was that my family and my time here on earth and how I treat others is the most important thing I have. 
We go through life wondering, guessing for some about religion God or higher power. Always seeking for the answers. Or we go through life believing and worshiping our God and pray daily and attend church, mass or the temples. We think we know 100% about how we were created, where we are heading in the afterlife or we have no clue only guesses so we stress out trying to find the truth.
I have been searching and searching learning and being open to what the universe has been speaking to me. I went to Thailand to find more of that, to seek truth to feel something spiritually. I wanted to see if I was on the right path, but in the end, I have been released of that constant desire to seek. Something came over me while we were in the temples and while we were looking at the mass beauty of the earth surrounding us. Something clicked and I realized why stress anymore or guess or wonder? Can’t I just be here… now in this very moment. Does it truly matter or should we just be kind, loving human beings teaching our kids to love others and to do our part to serve and help others. 
Some reading this may be very disappointed in me, scared for me. I get it, because I was once there. For my friends who did not believe just the way I believed I prayed and I worried for them. I prayed they would find the way too and believe just like me. I would preach to them I would share the answer I thought to be 100% too. So I am not judging anyone or any religion. As I hope you do not judge me. God tells us to love one another, as we would want to be loved.
I am happy and have been truly happy and liberated for many years now. As I have questioned and researched and opened my heart to other beliefs other thinking I have found myself more content than I had been growing up. Yet when we are in the church twice a week we are taught that only Christ gives us joy.
Each day is a new journey and each day I will explore spirituality. But I am moving along this world and time knowing that in the end none of us really know anything for 100%. I think once we finally admit this… we can truly be free… we can truly be who we are supposed to be.


I am so grateful for Thailand for the kindness showed to us. I am reminded that there are so many in desperate needs of just clean food and water. I am ready to take the reigns and to birth this non-profit idea. I am ready to water this seed of an idea and take it into a beautiful flower. “Families For Humanity” you have been awaken and I can’t wait to get this started, I can’t wait to show my children that life as they know it does not exists around the world… and here in my warm house with my sleeping family I understand and I know human to human it is my time to give back and to help others in need of plain old human kindness… not preaching kindness. 

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