When the bandages came off…
Thursday morning was a crazy morning. My next post will go more into details about the twist and turns of this crazy adventure. Thursday morning as we were getting ready to take Gabi to the hospital because we thought her leg was broken my phone rings. The surgeon wanted to see me in two hours too get the drains out. Yeah, for me…. bad for Gabi. So we do what we do best and delegate and Forrest and I head out to Sacramento to get my drains out.
As the assistant leads us to the small run down office room, he gathers a lot of materials and sets it on a tray. “Wow I think, that is a lot of stuff, to take out my drains” my stomach begins to get nervous. More pain I think. Oh well I can handle it…
As the door opens and the surgeon comes in with his female assistant they immediatly get to work on me, unwrapping the ace bandage quickly. As soon as they start to unwrap, I can fill the tears coming… I try and hold back deep sobs from my soul. I did not plan these emotions, they just seem to sneak up on me, when I least expect. Forrest quickly grabs my hand, and I tell him not to look. He tells me of course he is going to look and smiles with love and affection.
I can not look, I quickly find a spot in the corner ceiling and tell my mind to go there and calm down, it could be a lot worse, I need to get a hold of myself. The tears keep coming… I have no idea what words are passed as they all examine me, all I know is that I am very different. It felt so strange, so light, so bare. The surgeon needs to grab something so he leaves the room, the door, the door with a mirror begins to stare right at me… quickly I look back at the ceiling. I am not ready to look, I am not ready to see what the scars look like.
“Oh honey…. I know this must be hard, just wait, they do amazing things these days. In a few months you will look better than ever.” Says the older nurse, as she strokes my arm. My mind knows all of this. I know that it will be ok in the end. I know I will have better knockers then before… really I do. But the pain is overwhelming, and I can’t help the emotions that come.
Soon the surgeon was back and it was time to maybe remove my drains… nope not this time. They bandaged me back up, I got a hold of myself and we went back home. Forrest never stopped holding my hand, he is amazing. He lets me cry and he lets me feel what I need too, he never tells me to toughen up, he never tells me it could be worse… he just holds me and tells me he is sorry.
So still today I have not quite seen the new me….. maybe today, maybe tomorrow or the next day. Each day it gets better and I get used to the new me.