Silent Expectations

Silent Expectations

This past week was rough to say the least. I had several conversations with other moms about the crazy rush of buying presents, kids class parties and well for me I had the extra bonus of putting on a Christmas Program for my preschool. To be honest I had three meltdowns this week. My heart racing, tears filling my eyes and second-guessing my skills not only as a mother but also as a working mom trying to juggle it all. (don’t get me wrong, I love my work and I feel as though I have a dream job) Yesterday I had a major fail with being in charge of a class art project for my daughters second grade class, in which took me over the edge, after a long week of many hours, shopping, organizing, volunteering, working and wrapping with any free moment I had.  I let the tears flow just as I was quickly trying to shove a load of laundry into the washer before I set out on a mad dash trying to figure out where to buy more art supplies when I realized my shipment was shorted. I had only minutes to try to get more, to try and fix my mom moment fail all while, needing to clean up breakfast, start some laundry and try to get to work.
As I just stood up from loading the laundry machine, and tears rolling down my cheek quietly, my son turned the corner and found me crying. I was caught, I don’t like to cry in front of my kids, or anyone else for that matter (weird issue I have) so I simply said “Sometimes life is hard for even us moms, and sometimes we too get overwhelmed with everything we need to do” he looked at me, saw my tears and quickly turned his teenage mood of being upset for who knows why and simply came in and hugged me and told me he loved me. It will be a memory I will never forget.
Since that moment I have been thinking about the pressures we put on ourselves as human beings. Whether that as a father, mother, employee, boss, friend we all put silent expectations on ourselves. As a mothers there is now Pinterest out there (don’t get me wrong I love it) and often times we can be reminded much more easily that our simple sugar cookie wasn’t what it could truly be. Is it just me? Or is it that each year seems to get a tad bit harder to manage Christmas. I know I put deadlines on myself, I put expectations that are silent not spoken and when I fail I feel so defeated. But yet we are only one person, trying to juggle the world on a daily basis.
This morning I am realizing that time is not our friend, it never slows down. Our children continue to grow older and there will come a day when I have only time on my hands. No soccer games to attend, no house to get ready for parties, no Christmas programs to put on, and no more kids school events too attend. Life doesn’t have to be perfect, in fact it is never perfect. Life is messy, life is hard and life is also once crazy exciting ride! The house doesn’t have to be decorated just right, teachers gifts sometimes don’t need to make it to them on time (yes that was me this year! Love those teachers so this year it will be an after Christmas surprise) but truly it is the love of our friends around us, our children and just simply life. We all know this, but it is hard to keep it all in focus when we all struggle with the expectations we put on ourselves. This past year I have really worked on simplifying my life. I downsized my career, and have really learned to say no, to some volunteering positions. Yet I am still a work in progress, in which I guess we will always be a work in progress.
So this morning I am thankful for the friends who are in my life, for the mom who gave me a hug and said no worries on my failed art project attempt yesterday. Friends who all struggle with keeping up with life at this time of year and who are ok to admit it aloud to each other.  I am thankful for the warm home I have, for my children who are healthy and very much alive (especially when they are screaming at each other, over who lost the dog this time) I am thankful that even in the midst of this crazy high pressured time I am here, I am alive and even when I feel like I have failed, I am here to fail and pick myself up once again. I am thankful that yet again another scan was clean, no cancer to be found. My heart is doing better, new medicine is working. I am alive and I am grateful. 
I am wishing everyone a wonderful and joyous Christmas. Don’t worry we will all make it to Christmas morning; all the gifts will be wrapped. Our children will be full of amazement of the magical morning Christmas always brings.  We will have succeeded yet again; another Christmas will be a success. Just remember to enjoy it, because soon enough we may never experience the magical moments of the early Christmas morning, because our own kids will be off experiencing that with their kids. 
 –Merry Christmas Friends & Thank You For Being In My Life

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