New Year, New Beginnings!
As I sit here on my couch, I glance at the falling leaves from the winter wind in our backyard. The sun is bright, there is a crisp freshness all around me. With 2014 almost behind us, I reflect on the year that I now must say goodbye too, actually we all must say goodbye too. I am not sure how to sum it up quite yet. Honestly I think it may have been one of my most life changing years. Not in ways most may have seen. I did not have a new baby, get married, buy a house or have to say goodbye to someone I loved.
There was no major life events, but hundreds of events this past year. Life lessons that went unnoticed to most, but changed me to the core, or maybe change is not the right word. Maybe I just peeled away the many layers and found my core, my inner being that was there all along. In 2014 I became the girl I have always wanted to be, a girl I had no idea was in me.
“Speak your truth even if your voice shakes” that was the underlying theme for my life in 2014. That was not always easy. In fact although the truth was released in me and freed me…. it many times hurt others and in that I am not sure how I feel yet about that. Speaking your truth is not easy and sometimes comes with consequences. Overall though, it is necessary to live authentically and true to yourself.
I found my voice this year in so many ways. I finally forgot about death, cancer and dying and started planning for my future and what that would look like. Getting to the age of forty is no longer a goal, in fact I am almost there. Peeling off the layers and finding me, the real me came with lots of tears, regrets of choices and finding peace with what I found after the layers were removed. Looking toward the future means you must choose what that future may look like. I am left with a new sense of freedom but also some unresolved anger that comes with facing your truth and realizing that the foundation you built your life upon is no longer your truth.
The journey of self discovery or learning to live authentically is never easy, in fact I have found it to be one of the hardest things I have ever done. All while I was on my path of truth, I kept busy in other areas of my life. Partly I think that is my coping mechanism, so I would not dwell on the pain I was feeling after each unwanted layer was removed. But life moves on… no matter what.
While on the path of truth I still managed to check off every goal I set for myself, not sure how really. So many times I felt as though I were drowning by all the things I was trying to do.
The things I am most proud of in 2014….
1. Our Non-Profit “Families For Humanity” Is Now Official www.familiesforhumanity.com
2. My kids Finally Got That Life Is Not About Religion,
Life Is About Truly Living NOW And Being An Active Part Of Making Human Lives Better.
3. I Re-Wrote My First Novel & Wrote A Second
Farewell My Loves Now On Amazon For Pre-Sale: http://www.amazon.com/Farewell-My-Loves-Amber-Farman/dp/0991120612/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1419965363&sr=8-1&keywords=farewell+my+loves
4. I worked Out & Got In Good Shape (Finally)
5. Found My Voice…. The Authentic Me Even If I am Still Not Sure What To Do With Her….
Now moving into 2015 there are new goals to be written down, new dreams to set free and work towards. There is also some anger, confusion to work through, in time I know it will work it’s way out but I am ready to set it free.
My Theme for 2015 “New Beginnings” After the past year of transformation, it is time to plan for the future, the future I want to have. Time to rebuild relationships, learn how to start over in some areas as the real me. No more settling for me… no more being the “yes” girl all of the time. I am free to be me… it was not easy in any way. There is still work to be done, but today I feel made new. Freedom to be authentic is a gift we should all allow ourselves to have. May each of you reading find peace in new beginnings and I hope you run to it with open arms!