Letting The Tears Flow- Can It Really Be Almost Five Years Since That Day?
Sometimes I wake up and feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude. Today was one of those days. I woke up to a wonderfully warm bed, the sun peaking through the windows and geese flying overheard. My husband pulled me in tight and all I could think about was “Wow I am here, I am still here, experiencing this little thing we call life.”
Usually as my anniversary day approaches I feel a whole gamut of emotions, in the past those emotions were more of anger and pain and fear of the cancer coming again. This year however as I sit here in my warm bed I can feel warm wet tears moving their way down my cheeks, these tears are simply tears of gratitude. I am overwhelmed with joy and thanksgiving as I am still here and how my life has incredibly changed.
I often wonder if I would be this changed without cancer invading our lives. Would I be the woman I am today without experiencing breast cancer? I have always been a person of growth and self-reflection. A person who dreamed big then worked hard to make that dream happen. But something shifted as I went through my cancer and the years that followed.
Life became more of a journey, more of an adventure. I began to really live in the moment like never before. I don’t take for granted much anymore and feel thankful for so much. I have become a woman who has realized that my life is just that, my life. I don’t do life to please anyone else anymore. I do life for my family and me and if I think differently or believe differently that is OK. You see our life here on this earth is short, and why live for others in the little amount we have.
Today as I reflect back I see the spiritual change and the peace that I now feel inside me as I throw up my hands and acknowledge I just don’t know much about anything and that is OK. I am grateful and feel set free.
Today I thank all of my friends and the community I live in for the support I have felt over the years. Not only for me but also for my family. Do you know I have meal delivered for over ten weeks after my bilateral mastectomy? Thank you to those who surround me in my daily life and for those who supported from a distance. Today I am grateful for you, for your love and cheer as I continue to try new things and continue to reach new dreams.
Today I am grateful for freedom, a freedom to live in the moment and to be truly happy, and with that I have to say thank you cancer. I have no idea what the future holds or how many other cancer free anniversaries’ I may or may not have, but today I am at peace and I will let the tears of gratitude slip from my eyes with a smile on my face.