Day # 15- Males Beware
I have had a very productive day, getting ready for my surgery tomorrow. Yesterday I had a wonderful morning all my myself. Sometimes you need mornings like this to reflect and refresh. Now just to warn you before I begin, if you are a male you may not want to read this. But to be fair to myself through this journey I need to write about everything.
Yesterday as I shopped the sun was shinning and it was so warm out. Usually at this time of year I like to pick up a cute sun dress or two and perhaps start looking for that cute swim suit. This year however it was quite strange to go into a store. I found of course several cute sundresses, my favorite is any halter style. But as I ran my finger across the fabric it hit me again, that wait… I should not buy this, I have no idea if I could even wear this in a month. As much as I want to feel like normal me, it hits me in weird ways. I walked passed the dresses, it made me feel sad, that I may be loosing my breasts. As I looked for swim suits I felt my life come to a halt again. I have no idea what my body will look like in a few weeks. I am not a vain person or at least never thought of myself as one. But it is strange to imagine my body without breasts.
Still as these thoughts pass in and out of my head, I am doing pretty good with focusing on the task at hand. I can not jump the gun on my treatments, surgeries or if it will metastasis. I have no idea, no one does. The goal today is to get prepare for surgery tomorrow. Get my house in order, kids all ready for the weekend events. This is what I am choosing to focus on, the big picture is too overwhelming.
It has been a good week, I am feeling the love and support from all of you! Thank you!