“D” Day One Year Anniversay
I thought about what I would write when this day came many times over the past year. I wondered what emotions would come as I celebrate my one year anniversary of being told the life changing information that sunny March 11th day. Tomorrow is the day, the one year anniversary of “D” day.
That simple phone call changed my life, it gave me relief in some ways to know I was not going crazy that something truly was wrong. That phone call also came with a burden, a life long burden that I will forever carry with me. My safety net in this world we call life was taken away from me that day. Yes we will all die one day, in fact we are all on the road to death, to the other side each and every day. However with a cancer diagnosis, the unknowns begin to intertwine themselves in our daily lives. The unknowns of where the cancer may spread next, the unknowns of if a recurrence is lurking around the corner. That is what I hate most about my diagnosis, what I hate most about how cancer has changed me. I hate that cancer took away my safety net, my security blanket if you will… I will never truly trust my doctors and I will never truly feel at ease with my health. That is what cancer took from me this past year.
But with all of that said, here is what cancer gave to me this year….
*Cancer gave me a fresh start to become a better person
*Cancer gave me an inner strength I always hoped I had
*Cancer gave me freedom, a chance to forget about material things and learn to care about what truly matters in this life, family, friends, and our health
*Cancer gave me supporters… I had cheerleaders everywhere, in my community, friends, family and even strangers, encouraging me and letting me know I was loved.
*Cancer gave me awareness…I am aware of how devastating cancer truly is to those it is affected by.
*Cancer gave me new challenges… surgeries,pain, recovery, no breasts, reconstruction, pain, dark moments and happy moments
*Cancer gave me a new found beauty to be who I am always… scars and all
*Cancer gave me new vision, new business ventures
*Cancer stripped me of my fears, of my deepest darkest fears.. death and dying and in return it gave me an incredible peace
*Cancer gave me the missing element of my novel that I have been working on since 2007… go figure
*Cancer gave me a stronger marriage… I no longer have to ask my man if he loves me today… for I know he loves me every moment of every day… when he held my hand so lovingly, so tightly as the bandages came off.. .it was in that moment I recognized those vowels we spoke to each other on our wedding day… in sickness and in health
*Cancer gave me hope… hope in myself, to move forward even after part of me had been stripped away…
*Cancer gave me a new found love for others.. for those hurting around me.
*Cancer gave me inspiration.. to be better each day.. to reach for my goals, not tomorrow not years down the road but this very day.
Thank you all who have loved me, who have cried with me, who have allowed me to break down when I needed to and laughed when I needed a laugh. Thank you to those who fed my family when I could not, who smiled at me when I had no smile to give back.
We are all stronger than we think… sometimes we fall flat on our face, we fail, we face times in our life where we see no light at the end of the tunnel. But trust me, a day will come when there is a soft light at the end of the tunnel. A day does come that we start to pick ourselves off the ground and decide to start moving forward with our life, no matter how hard it might be.
We all have purpose in this life… we all have to go through trials to become better people, embrace the trials.. cry when you need to cry, fall down when you need to fall down… but stand up and move forward when the time comes. Embrace failures and trust yourself to become better.
In the end.. we are all human, we are all on the road to the other side. Live life each day, don’t fret of what is to come…
Tomorrow I will celebrate my cancer journey… I will celebrate that I made it… that no matter what is to come I will choose to be happy, I will choose to make a difference in my life and I will choose to move forward with my goals and dreams!