Blessed beyond my dreams
My life these days are full of emotions. Some days I am so low so sad and filled with fear of my cancer returning. However most days my emotions are one of joy and gratitude for the life I am living. This is how I feel today, I am overwhelmed with joy almost to the point that I could sob from deep within my soul… but I am sitting in a public coffee shop so I am holding back to not scare the local patrons.
What a year it has been, last year at this time I was recovering from my bilateral mastectomy. I had four drain tubes coming out of my body and bandages covering my entire chest. My hair was a tangled mess and I could barley take care of myself.
Last year at this time was all the festivities of Mothers Day. With four kids this is a very special time with many activities in their classes. I am trying really hard to remember if I attended my daughters school tea for Mothers Day. But I think my mother or mother in law went in my place. I did make it to my first graders at the time, barely making it on time because I could hardly walk from the car to the classroom. I stumbled in dripping of sweat and feeling heavy with my drains coming out of my body hidden with a bigger shirt. But I made it…
Today is my daughters mothers day tea and today I will be there, feeling alive, healthy and beautiful. I feel utterly amazing and awake…awake to this world, alive with joy and grateful to be here healthy. What a difference a year makes.
I reached a milestone this past weekend, we cut the ribbon of our new school building! It has been an on going project since 2007 and on Saturday my staff and hubby and I cut the ribbon in front of 150 friends and family! I feel truly FREE!!! We did it, this huge project looks amazing.
In 2006 a small seed was planted… an idea to turn our old workshop into a little red school house. With lots of hard work, tears, stress and hours and hours of sacrifice and commitment we did it, it truly is a little red school house!
Do you have a dream? Do you have an idea a tiny seed of an idea? Do you know that the only thing holding you back is you? There is no time in this lifetime to wait on dreams, to postpone our goals. The statement, “There is no better time then the present” is absolutely true!
A few months ago in a simple conversation over lunch a small seed was planted in my heart as well as my husbands about a non profit idea. A tiny seed was planted in us… but we were and are open to ideas, we are awake to see what this world has to offer us. I am so excited and ready to see where this seed takes us… it already is growing into something pretty amazing. So today I feel FREE… free to move on to this non-profit idea ready to be servants in this world ready to take our blessings to others.
Today I am emotionally charged and vibrant. The past few months have proven to me that Source, God, the Universe has so many great things to offer. But we have to be present each day, in each moment or we may miss these opportunities given to us. I have been blown away by all that has happened since my last surgery in November. Things I never imagined. Yes many things were challenging, stressful and flat out hard but today I sit back and reap the rewards and am thrilled to see how all of this hard work unfolds and how I can be used for good and to help others.
What will I say next year at this time? Where will I be next year at this time? Yes I still fear that I may have cancer but at the same time, if that is so I will rise above and be gracious I will still be grateful for my life and all that I have accomplished. So maybe in this I am learning not to fear it anymore… what does fear accomplish? If cancer is coming back it is coming back? If it is not it is not? There truly is nothing I can do but live my life today….