Allowing Myself to Experience Good Things
This past week was a week I will remember in my life’s journey. Do you ever have a day or a moment that you realized something deep about yourself or life? This past week was one of those weeks for me. Some may call it PMS, some may call it being an emotional gift, but I will call it living in the moment. Being open to listening and learning, evaluating deep down within.
When you live in the moment, you do not miss opportunities, when you live in the moment you allow yourself to acknowledge fears and recognize short comings. When you live in the moment you can see the universe showing you the next steps, guiding you with a subtle pulling in one direction or another. When you live in the moment you stop and breath, you let go and remind yourself that this very moment is all that we are promised.
This was my week to remind myself of a few things. Let me back up a bit… let’s say rewind to four weeks ago.
A great opportunity fell into my lap. An opportunity to open up my school in a new location back in the Bay Area where we originally opened up. Everything seems to have been falling into place, however last week I began to freeze up… could I do this? I began to question all the good things around me. If I back up farther, let’s say a few years back then I have to realize that my life has been hard over the past few years. There have been many dark days, many trials and many tears.
The past few years I have been in crisis mode, trying to survive day to day. Over the past month I have realized that I am no longer in crisis mode, the dark clouds have gone away and all I can see is bring blue sky ahead. I can hear the birds singing and I can feel the load becoming lighter.
As my world begins to be full of light and goodness, last week I was reminded that so many lives around me are still dark… people are loosing homes, people are dying, jobs are being lost. I feel others pain so deep now. I cry when they cry, I am sad when they are sad. I know what it is like to feel as though you are drowning daily… not knowing if tomorrow that last wave will truly keep you under forever.
But now… my life is shifting… I can feel it, I can see the light, the light is brighter than I have seen in a very long time.
I had my last surgery two weeks ago, my cancer is gone and it is now time to just follow up. My treatment is officially over. They have done what they can and as far as I know I am cancer free. Now I know that with cancer I will truly never be done, but I feel as though I have a very good chance of being cancer free in 2010!
My business is going well and I am expanding and I am watching a dream of mine become reality every day.
I have another school I am working hard on opening, something I did not plan but all in all I feel pretty good about actually I feel very good about it.
My kids are healthy, they are all doing well in school and in life. My marriage is amazing, stronger than ever before. I feel more loved and adored each passing day. Cancer has only strengthened us and renewed our love for one another.
Last week I realized that I was beginning to stress, not because my life was so terrible or as though I was still in crisis mode. I began to stress because my life has turned a corner… the dark clouds were gone and good things were all around me in this moment and in the near future.
I realized that I was scared to allow it to happen… I wasn’t sure if I could handle all of this goodness! Silly isn’t it?? It was such a revelation to me, as I sat on my couch one night last week starring into a red orange fire in my living room. Being in that very moment revealed to me fear inside of me, fear of the show that was about to start… this show being my life!
I feel as though I have been given a second chance, or forgiveness really. I made it through to the other side. Through all of the pain, guilt, shame, hurt, anger all of the emotions over the years I made it through…. I am alive and I am well. Why would I ever allow fear into this???
We are what we speak…. I believe in truly living in each moment. I am so full of gratitude tonight and I am also humble. I am running at full speed with my arms open wide ready to catch all of the goodness that I am blessed with. I am ready to accept it, to do good with it and to not fail at it!
I am honored and I am excited about my future. I still hurt for others, cancer has made me more sensitive to others pain. I am here for those of you who hurt, for those of you who need me to listen.
Tonight I am allowing myself to be blessed, I am allowing good things to happen and I am allowing myself to be happy and content. I have so much to live for now…why would I waste a second of my life in worry or fear??
Live in this moment, this very second and you may possibly be changed forever in a very good way because you did not miss a very special opportunity!