A Thank You Note To My Daughter’s Birth Mother -On My Daughter’s 8th Birthday
Today is my spunky, sassy, beautiful and animal loving daughter’s 8th birthday. She has talked about her birthday for the past few months, planning where she wants to go eat and what she wants to do for her birthday. Today is her special day, and today I think of you more than I think about you for the entire year. Now please don’t get me wrong, I think of you often dear birth mother, I think about the sacrifice you made to give your small precious baby to a family who were just strangers to you. We talk of you highly first mommy, that is what we call you at our home. You will always and forever be our daughter’s first mother. Do you know how much our daughter loves you? How much she thinks about you and wonders where you are or if you are alive or not? You will forever be in her heart, please never forget that.
Today however is a little bit harder than you may think, for me as I choose my words carefully on this day. You see I don’t have a birth story to tell my daughter. I cannot tell her how she grew in my stomach and I labored with her for hours until finally she arrived. She has three brothers you see, who all were grown inside me, who have birth stories and who have that magic moment of arrival. So on this day her special birthday we don’t talk about any of that. But what we do talk about is how small she was, she was our tiniest baby. She was born weighing only 4 lbs 8 oz, and she was so adorable. We always talk about the day we got the news that our daughter was born and how excited we were to know we had a daughter to call our own. It was on June 12th, 2006 when we got the call and her beautiful tiny photo came up on our lap top screen. Oh I wish we had videoed that moment, but sadly this mom wasn’t so tech savvy yet. Today on our daughters birthday I will bring out her special photo book and show her, the country she was born in and I promise to tell her how brave you were as you delivered her.
You see she is old enough to hear those words, and to understand that you carried her inside of you and you loved her so much that you wanted only the best for her. You thought handing her off and trusting us with her would be her very best chance at a new life. I have often wondered if I am failing you, dear first mommy. When I have to raise my voice or discipline her I think of you and sometimes I ask myself, but really asking you “Am I doing this right? Would you do it this way?” You see I know we have never met, but you are apart of me whether you know it or not, and you are very much apart of my daughter, truly our daughter, your daughter too.
I know you have no idea that your beautiful daughter who you named Sarah Santiago Lopez is, or who she is with. But please know we are doing our very best to give her all the opportunities she can possibly have. We are doing our best to raise her to be a strong, caring and love independent women one day. We are even teaching her Spanish in hopes that if we find you and meet you in person, she can talk to you.
I can only imagine how hard this day must truly be for you. How you must wonder if she is Ok, if she is alive and healthy and what she looks like. Please know dear first mother that she is very much alive and healthy. She is stubborn as can be and that will be in her favor one day! She loves all animals and she talks about becoming a veterinarian one day or she may even want to be a person who does nails, she can’t decide at the moment which one she wants to be when she grows up.
Thank you first mother, for trusting in us, these strangers who took your daughter far away from her home and who have raised her in a different country and even a different language. I know that was not an easy decision and one you more than likely think about daily.
I hope dear First mother that one day I can personally hug you and say thank you! Then I can hold our daughters hand and guide her into your arms so you can hug her too and see that she is beautiful, healthy and she is very much alive. Then I will hug you and cry with tears of joy because you have given me a gift that only a birth mother can give.
Yes I did not carry in her my stomach, I did not labor with her but she is my forever daughter and I am grateful.
Happy Birthday Gabriella and thank you dear First mother for the sacrifice you made, the pure selflessness that only a mother could give her child, the ultimate gift of thinking of only her and not yourself.
-Gabi’s Forever Mother