A new passion is bubbling out of me!

A new passion is bubbling out of me!

I have been awaking each new day with a sense of refreshness, a new urgency a new passion. If you have known me for any amount of time, you should know that I have lived my life even before cancer with this motto… live this life to it’s fullest because we only have one shot. This is how I have lived before cancer.

I have dreamed dreams, set goals and loved life. I am not perfect by any means and have made a few huge mistakes along the way, making choices I wish I could change. But in the end I have loved my life… and even in my failures I have learned who I am in the midst of the failure. So I have lived a very full and blessed life, one that I would not change.

Now after cancer not too much is changing…. but I am finding my passion is increasing with each passing day. Before cancer I lived like I may not have tomorrow… .now I live this ten folds. I live in the moment… grateful for today, for this hour. There is a drive growing inside me to live… live like I have never lived before…

This is taking me to another level…. not sure I understand yet. I am now in the process of making sense of my diagnosis… I will not ask “why me” I have always refused to ask that question on any of my life crisis. Instead “why not me” so in this I am beginning to wonder what the aftermath will hold. I can feel myself changing… in a very good way. I can feel a passion a zest for life deep within my soul. It is really hard to explain especially for a girl who has already had such a zest for life.

So today.. I begin this new day… open wide for possibilities. I love my family, my kids, my husband. Today I begin to open up my mind and soul for the lesson I want to learn from my diagnosis. Getting cancer is not a choice… it just happens. We have no control…. we can let it control us or we can look it straight in the eyes and say screw you cancer…. you may have had part of my body but you can not have my soul… my life!

I will let you however, teach me a thing or two…. so today I am opening myself up for the lesson in all of this. I once believed things happen for a reason… don’t really believe this. I have not for a long time after a friend passed away suddenly when we were 21. But I do believe we can let our life experiences, teach us if we let it. We can see how truly strong we are, we can see how truly loved we are… we can see how life truly is a gift!

So today…. be in this moment… experience today, do not look backwards, love today, forgive today and move forward with your sould wide open… you may experience life in a way you have never experienced before!

So today I say thank you to cancer… even with this diagnosis… it cancer will never take my soul or this very moment…

Comments ( 2 )

  • Amber,
    you have an amazing outlook and I applaud your gusto to have this sense of moving forward. It is nothing easy, by any means. However, you are going forward looking it all squarly in the eye and I send many hugs to you!!!! I hope your recover continues to go well. I think of you so often and if I can, at the Komen Connecticut Race for the Cure, I would love to wear your name, along with my mom’s, “In celebration of” if that would be ok with you…Please let me know. My kids will be walking with me in teh 1.5k, and my husband will be running/walking the 5k (god bless him).
    Keep going strong and remember to reach out in those moments of dark!

    much love,
    Gail

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