2009 in Review

2009 in Review

I thought I better sit down for a minute and clear my head. Today I woke with so many emotions. First I am still surprised that today truly is Christmas morning. Where does the time go? This past year has been a remarkable year for me. A year I never expected, possibly guessed from time to time but never fully imagined would ever happen. This past year, I found myself in dark places in my head, I found myself facing my deepest fears and coming to peace with those fears. This past year I learned how to rely on others to help me in my weakest moments. 2009, taught me to let go of my past, to stop looking back on regrets but to only look forward to my future. This past year I was diagnosed with Cancer. “The biopsy was positive for cancer” Those words alone are any persons worst fears. It is the unknown that comes with a cancer diagnosis that brings fear to anyone. This past year I have become an expert on Breast cancer. Now a year ago today, I was only pondering the thoughts “I wonder if I have cancer?” those thoughts would come and go many times throughout 2008. It was not until last Christmas, a year ago that I knew I needed some answers. I also came to the realization that if cancer was all over my body I would blame myself for not taking care of myself, by not being my own advocate. So a year ago I decided to keep pursing doctor apts, until I knew for sure… what was truly wrong with me.It was not until March when I finally knew for sure. When I finally got told, I was scared of course, but at the same time I felt so relieved to finally know what was wrong. This past year has taught me many things… I see 2008 as a year of preparation for 2009. Little did I know that things I was learning, where I was heading spiritually was all in preparation for 2009. This past year was, painful, terrifying, dark, hopeful, and amazing all in one. This year I learned how to let go… I let go of my life as I knew it… the old Amber… faded somewhere along the way, and a new after cancer Amber began to blossom. I am so grateful for this past year, I am grateful for the pain, for the darkest moments laying in my bed alone facing my worst fears, I am grateful for family and friends who have supported not only me but my entire family. I am grateful for it all, because in it all I have found peace, love and harmony. I have learned to be still and really focus on being in the moment. As we close out 2009, my life, my families life is so hopeful! There is so much to be thankful for, this past year as taught us all so much. I am so thankful for what is to come, 2010 will be an extraordinary year, I can feel it and I believe it. I have learned that speaking aloud what you want in your life is a powerful and very true concept! So I say it aloud… 2010 will be amazing, blessings will fall down all around us, dreams will become reality and in them new dreams will form. I am alive, I am healthy and I am blessed beyond words! I no longer look backwards, but only forward because I plan to only move forward each day.What do you want out of 2010??? “Dream it, Wish it, Do it”This has been the year that has changed me to the core, it has enhanced my love for life and it has created a deep desire to do it all…. to dream big, to make them come true and live in this moment!

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